A journey of learning from the past, growing from the lessons and sharing the experiences.
Having anxiety on a very basic level is one of the most exhausting, frustrating and tiring things to deal with. Add to that the social aspect and it can break even the strongest of people. It’s a daily struggle and takes a lot of work to really be able to stay level-headed. Now, this happens on your normal days and months so when the holidays come along, it’s difficult to not just want to sleep until it’s all over.
Ever since then (and even before all of this) my doctor’s visits would go something like this: “What did you come in for?”, “Well, doctor, I’m experiencing (Insert ailment here).” “Well, if you lose weight, this will fix it?” “Okay, but my (asthma/hormones/back) really make this difficult and I just want some help with either meds to get my symptoms under control so I can begin working out or guidance on what to do at this point.” “Well, you only have X,Y,Z, because you need to lose weight.” “Yes but how do I lose weight when I can’t because of XYZ?” “Well, X,Y,Z, won’t be a problem if you just lose the weight. Come back to me when you’ve lost the weight.”
Ummm, say what? How does that make any sense? Please, anyone, tell me how this has any logic to it.
My eating disorder, which, yes, now in hindsight, I know that’s what it was, didn’t go away just because I was pregnant. I was so afraid of becoming this huge blob of a person that I continued to exercise daily and I still didn’t eat like I should have. I tried (or at least I would fake it when people started noticing). I would ask for the things I was craving. I would force myself to eat. I knew I had to, but it wasn’t until I ended up in the hospital after a car accident when I was 8 months pregnant that it got through to my head.